Resistance to beginning therapy is very common and understandable. For each person it can take a different form.
One form of resistance is the belief that therapy is for people who are highly disturbed or “crazy”. Others feel that seeing a therapist is a sign of weakness and that one should manage their own emotional problems. Some individuals believe that their problems, in comparison to others, are minor and insignificant and not deserving of the attention of a therapist.
Another very common resistance to therapy is the belief that the process will be about blaming others, particularly parents. It is important to note that an understanding of our development and addressing any residual feelings is essential for therapy to promote the fertile ground for growth and change. Therapy, however, focuses on our responses to the people and experiences that have shaped us, it is not about blame. Ultimately, we have to take responsibility for what is inside of us.
For many, sharing sensitive material about oneself and expressing feelings to an unknown person is not easy. If we have been emotionally hurt in the past we will naturally be cautious and wary about entering any new emotional relationship including one with a therapist. It has been my clinical experience, that a primary form of resistance to therapy is the fear of exposing oneself and being re-injured. The fear of re-injury often centers on being unsupported, judged, diminished, criticized, or shamed by a therapist.
Another form of resistance centers on the fear that therapy will bring forth unwanted feelings or thoughts that will overwhelm us. Naturally, if we have spent many years suppressing feelings and thoughts that we fear would be upsetting or destabilizing to us, we will have ambivalence about entering therapy where these feelings or thoughts will surface. It is important to note, that a skilled therapist is trained to manage the pace and timing of this process.
Individuals can resist starting therapy from a fear of change. Even though our present lives and circumstances may be difficult and painful, they are at least familiar. With any change, whether it is the ability to feel or express a new feeling, begin to assert ourselves with others, or become more disclosing in an intimate relationship, we are entering a new playing field and this can bring with it fear and anxiety.
Finally, many individuals fear that therapy will be a long-term process over which they will have no control. It is my belief and practice that it is the person who initiates therapy and it is always his or her choice to end the process. Individuals or couples participate in therapy as long as it is valuable to them.
It is important, at the onset of therapy, to explore any fears and resistances that may be present as well as ones that surface as therapy progresses.
Copyright © 2007 Bruce A. Howard, Ph.D. All rights reserved.